


The Full Moon Files

by Accidentallytechohazardous



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Body Horror, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Weird Biology
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 21:17:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21168020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accidentallytechohazardous/pseuds/Accidentallytechohazardous
Summary: “This is not a how-to guide for being a werewolf. Remarks made by others in their testaments do not reflect my own beliefs. This is simply the sharing of information. And if you are a Lycanthrope, or your loved one is a Lycanthrope, then I hope this can become an invaluable tool for you to make wise decisions on how to manage the condition.Good luck out there.–HS”





	The Full Moon Files

**A Letter of Introduction**

There are moments in life that are so strange and bizarre that they change your life. If we are very lucky, we might each get to experience only one or two of these moments. If we are unlucky, we get many more. 

A strange moment turns into a strange night, then a strange year and eventually a strange lifetime. Some events are simply so impactful that they pivot the entire course of your identity, even down to your biology. They ricochet through your existence, and whatever human hopes and dreams you had are put indefinitely on hold. You are put on hold, and a new you takes the stage of your life. 

Imagine that you are suddenly gifted a dog from a very distant and very careless relative. Before you can even stammer out a refusal, the dog runs you over and invades your home. In two minutes it rips through your couch cushions, knocks over your dining table, eats your pet parakeet, and then takes an immaculate shit on a beloved photograph of your loved ones. It shows no signs of stopping, and you know that from now on things will never be the same. In this instance, You are the dog. You are also You in this scene, but you are also the dog. You are you and also the dog. 

I’m obviously alluding to Lycanthropes. Or werewolves, if you’re a degenerate. Hi, my name is Hisagi Shuuhei, representing Red Circle. And it is my self-appointed duty to provide you with as much useful intelligence about the experiences of modern-day Lycanthropes as I’m able to coax out of my available friends and associates. 

Every Lycanthropes’ experience with their affliction is different. And we aren’t all beasts living in the woods, preying on livestock and stealing children until a mob of serf villagers arrive with torches and pitchforks.Technology and modern society has only made life with Lycanthropy even more complicated than it already was. That is why I complied this archive of interviews to paint a more realistic picture of what the world is now, and will be for the foreseeable future. 

This is not a how-to guide for being a werewolf. Remarks made by others in their testaments do not reflect my own beliefs. This is simply the sharing of information. And if you are a Lycanthrope, or your loved one is a Lycanthrope, then I hope this can become an invaluable tool for you to make wise decisions on how to manage the condition. 

Good luck out there. 

\--HS

* * *

Transcription 1

_ INTERVIEWER: Alright, I’ve turned on the recording machine. From now on, everything we say will be included in the archives. _

**ABARAI RENJI: Everything, eh? I thought you were only going to keep the important stuff for your project. **

_ INT: Depends on what I find to be important. As long as you’re comfortable with that, of course. _

**AR: Yeah, that’s fine. I just wondered if it was gonna be weird to do an interview like this. Isn’t there, like, some journalist conflict of interest in using your own packmate as a research subject? That’s like cheating off your classmate. **

_ INT: Well, first of all, you’re not a research subject. You’re a volunteer. Secondly, journalism hasn’t caught up with werewolf social dynamics. I’m merely working with the tools available to me. _

**AR: And how much work has that produced so far?**  
  
_ INT: You’re the first interview. _  
  
**AR: Oh, lucky me. Just make sure I don’t sound stupid when you write about me! So what do you wanna know?**

Abarai sits with me on the porch of our favorite bar, The Easy Go. It’s early in the evening, so foot traffic going in and out of the bar is light. Even so, our conversation halts when we hear someone approach. 

I feel comfortable discussing sensitive topics with him like this, shooting the shit and racking up our tab inside. We’ve been coming here since before we got together, and now it’s kind of like our spot.

While talking into my hand-held audio recorder, Abarai knocks back his whiskey as if it were water. Many Lycanthropes report a higher metabolism than ordinary humans, as well as faster hair growth and increased muscle development. Abarai certainly seems the check all of these boxes. It isn’t just the tattoos and long hair draped over his shoulders, or the way that his massive body seems to draw in all the energy in a room. Renji just naturally has a grim and dangerous edge to his face, I have no idea if he was born with it or developed it after his Bite. 

However-- and this is key-- he is not scary. His smile is kind, and the gentleness of his demeanor always surprises people. I appreciate the irony of Abarai’s attractiveness; he is a werewolf who appears comfortable in his own skin. 

He looks to be no older than his mid-twenties, somewhere between 24 and 29. However, like all Lycanthropes, he has enjoyed an elongated lifespan. This past summer, Abarai celebrated his 44th birthday. 

_ INT: I was hoping you could talk about what it was like when you got bit. _

**AR: Wow, you didn’t waste any time with that. Jumping right into the heavy shit, are we? **

_ INT: We’ve all experienced it for ourselves, but talking about it openly can still be uncomfortable. I’d like to think that by talking more about it, we ease the process of healing._

**AR: Some folks would say there’s no healing what happened to us, Shuuhei. **

_ INT: Even so. It can’t hurt to try. You remember that night, I assume. _

**AR: Hard to forget something like that. You want me to just go ahead and spill it, yeah? Okay, I was 18 and it was the first year that I was living completely on my own. I was doing construction as a contract worker so I was getting paid pretty well by my clients, but as far as the government was concerned I didn’t exist. It was a really grueling pace of living, knowing that if I wasn’t working on a job then I wouldn’t be able to pay rent on time. I took basically any work that would come my way, which is how I ended up building sheds out in the country until the sun went down. **

_ INT: Didn’t you live in the city at that time? You would have to travel a long way before you reached the countryside. _

**AR: Yeah. But like I said, I’d just about take any job. Even if it meant driving out of civilization and working late hours. I just wasn’t in a position to be picky, y’know? **

Abarai recounts all of this to me matter-of-factly, scrolling through each detail without much emotion in his voice. It is as if the events-- as if that life he is describing, it all happened to someone else. 

Time always makes us strangers from ourselves, eventually. But when your lifestyle has so radically changed due to trauma or illness, the split tears you right down the middle. You are Before and After, and never shall the twain meet again. 

**AR: I was driving home on the highway. It was the middle of the night so of course when I really needed it my car breaks down right in the middle of the road. Some issue with the engine or something, it was too dark for me to tell what was really wrong. I thought it was too late to call a tow-truck, so I got out and started walking down the road. **

_ INT: You just… got out of your car and started walking? In the middle of the night? Totally alone? _

Abarai shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not meeting my eyes. 

**AR: Well, obviously if I had known what was gonna happen I would have tried harder to get help! I would have called that tow-truck, or shelled out for a taxi, or called every person I knew t’ come and pick me up. But, I dunno, I guess I was used to doing shit on my own. My pride fucked me sideways. **

**And in defense of past me, I think a lot of kids in my situation handle danger the same way. When you grow up in insecure environments like I did, you become numb to the hazards around you. Like, it’s already so likely that something bad is going to happen, because you’re about as safe at home as you are outside of it. You get used to thinking “Well, I’ll either die or I won’t. Let’s just get it over with.” **

_ INT: But you didn’t die. I wonder if that means you were very lucky, or unlucky. _

**AR Eh. Maybe both? Being a werewolf sure involves a lot of contradictions.**

_ INT: So when did you meet the Lycanthrope who attacked you? _

**AR: I’m getting there! Lemme see, where was I? Yeah, I was walking on the side of the road, didn’t see a single car come pass me by. But at some point, I started to feel like something was watching me. **

**The road went right through the woods, but it was the only path I had. With all the dense trees around it was possible that somebody was following me. But it was deep into fall and there were dried leaves and twigs and shit all over the ground, I figured that if there was a person stalking me then I would hear them moving around. And I didn’t hear anything at all. **

The emotion in Renji when was embarrassed or amused drained away from his face entirely. Now, he had returned to that distant state of re-telling. As he spoke to me, I thought about through whose eyes was he imagining the events of his past. His own, or the creature that had been hunting him?

**AR: I heard… heavy breathing. Way closer to me than I could have expected, like something was wheezing right next to my ear. I walked faster, because if it was an animal, then I didn’t want to start sprinting and give it that signal to attack. I thought maybe if I just outpaced it, it would get bored or distracted. That sounds dumb when I say it, but I didn’t know what else to do. **

**Then there was that smell. It was so… When I was a little kid we went on a school trip to a farm, and I remember the stench of the horse stables just hitting me in the face with how strong and rank it was. Like dirt and sweat and shit. Animal smell. It was that scent. **

**After that, I ran. I probably shouldn’t have, but at that point I don’t think it would have made a difference. Wolves are endurance hunters, you know? It makes them unique out of all the large predators. It’s also something they have in common with humans. When we hunt, we don’t waste precious energy running after prey. It’s all about waiting, letting your target succumb to exhaustion and terror. I made about three feet before falling on my face in the dirt. **

_ INT: And then what happened? _

**AR: And then it got me. I felt this huge weight land on my legs, pinning them to the ground. The Wolf’s claws sank into my flesh, going right through my jeans and my skin. I tried to twist around, to squirm out of it’s grip, and while I was thrashing around I saw it.**

**It was dark, and I was panicking, so I didn’t get the clearest look. But I’ll never forget those eyes. They were orange, like fire. It’s lips pulled back over its mouth, showing me a huge face of teeth and gums and enveloping me in the stench of it’s rancid meat-breath. I think I screamed, but I don’t remember much after that.**

**It bit me on the right hip, and then on the shoulder. I still have some scars there, but you can’t see them so good anymore. I remember the worst pain I’d ever felt in my life and being so sure I was gonna die, then blacking out. Maybe from blood loss or from panic. That’s all I could recall about that night. **

_ INT: And when you woke up? _

**AR: When I woke up, it was daytime. These two guys stopped their truck on the road when they saw my blood painted all over the pavement, and me lying out cold in a ditch. It was really nice of them to get me, though I sure scared the shit out of them when I woke up and they realized I wasn’t dead! I feel bad because I never got their names, poor dudes are probably traumatized. **

**In those first hours, I was mostly disoriented and confused. I remembered what happened to me-- mostly. Some bits were fuzzy. I think there’s some stuff that our human brains just aren’t equipped for, you know? The guys took me to the nearest ER, and I imagine they were glad to wash their hands of me. **

**The doctors determined that my wounds were from an animal attack. Wolves or wild dogs, they said. Of course. Injuries were consistent with an animal that size. Except that didn’t make sense, did it? I remembered the thing that attacked me was way bigger than a wolf, let alone an ordinary dog. And the blood all over the highway where I’d been bitten-- I swear, it was like I had been wrung out and squeezed dry. I didn’t know how I was still up and walking. **

**Within hours, my wounds had closed completely and faded away. The bite on my hip is just a thin, red outline now. The one on my shoulder disappeared completely. **

**I couldn’t decide whether or not I was crazy. For a few weeks I just wandered in a fog, trying to convince myself I had imagined how the animal that attacked me moved like a person. **

**There were the physical symptoms, too; nausea, night terrors, headaches. I lived in the city all my life, and only now was the smell of it absolutely suffocating to me. **

**Eventually I realized something key. The full moon was coming up, and if I was right about what I saw, then there wouldn’t be much time. I looked for help. And that lead me to you, and the rest of Red Circle. **

**So, yeah. That’s my whole origin story. Was that alright?**

_ INT: I. Yes. That was perfect. A very… detailed retelling. _

I already knew about Renji’s story, so I don’t know why hearing him tell it that way perturbed me. Maybe it was because I knew him so well, that listening to the whole gruesome tale made me a bit sick. 

Renji is an emotional guy, so it’s not hard to guess what he’s feeling. Still, he wasn’t the type of person to talk about what scared him. Knowing that someone you deeply love has been through a terrible experience, something so bad that it left a permanent scar on their lives, is uncomfortable because you know you can’t always protect them. It reminds you how little you are in control of the world. How small you are. 

I had only ever known Renji as a Lycanthrope. I never met the lonely and frightened teenager he had been before his Bite. I liked to think of myself as the one who always kept Renji out of trouble. But what are you to do when trouble is written into your lover’s blood? 

**AR: Are you okay, babe?**

_ INT: I’m fine. You just gave me a lot to think about, which I think is a good thing. I really appreciate your honesty in telling me about all this about yourself. _

**AR: I’ve had a lot of time to, like, make my peace with it I guess. Speaking of which, isn’t there some other stuff you wanted to ask me about?**

_ INT: Ah, no? I think that about covers it for now. You’ve already given me plenty. _

**AR: Don’t be coy, dear. If you want to know about that, just get it over with now while we’re both here and still recording. **

_ INT: … _

**AR: You must be curious, right? I think I’m the only person in Red Circle to pass on The Bite. **

_ INT: The second only person. _

**AR: That’s right! I forgot about him. Not as ominous then, is it? Being the ‘second only person’. **

_ INT: I thought you might feel weird talking about that incident. _

**AR: Well, I was. For a real long time, I was so guilty I couldn’t even think about it. All of the horrible shit I just told you that happened to me, I couldn’t stand the fact that I had inflicted the same pain on someone else. Let alone onto her. That was the first time I really felt like I was a monster. **

**After getting sick of my moping, she finally told me to get over myself. Her exact words! “Get over yourself already, fool!” She said that there was no point feeling guilt, since it wasn’t really “me” who attacked her. And if I really wanted to make it up to her, I should focus on being a good friend and helping her now instead of being sorry. **

_ INT: Jesus Christ. That woman does not mince words, does she? _

**AR: Absolutely not. **

_ INT: Alright. I think we have enough for today. I’m gonna turn the device off now, and work on transcribing the audio file to writing. Thanks for all your help, Ren. _

**AR: Okey-doke. **

End of Transcription 1  
  


* * *

The Bite and Passing the Affliction

The origins and exact nature of Lycanthropy are still unknown. Naturally, it is hard to study the biological functions of the Lycanthrope when in full transformed state. The Wolf state is too aggressive and unpredictable to be studied in close proximity, so the evidence we have to go on is decidedly… inconclusive. 

We know that Lycanthropes have existed for hundreds of years, possibly thousands. Legends of human-animal hybrids exist in the mythology of almost every culture, though at this time I’m not able to determine there are other were-species in existence. 

Lycanthropy is colloquially known as the curse or the affliction, owing to the fact that many people chalk up the existence of werewolves to supernatural influences. I’m not the kind of guy who usually goes “I dunno, maybe it’s magic and shit.” but even I have to admit there’s a stunning lack of contradictory evidence. 

One legend states that the first werewolves were ordinary wolves that ate so many humans they gained the ability to talk and walk on two legs. They became a society unto themselves, and as these hybrids continued propagation and feeding, the lines between human and monster blurred together. However, this would not explain why Lycanthropes appear human for most of the time and transform three nights a month.

Another myth tells us about a demon who scorned mankind for their weakness. He attempted to create a superior breed of humans by combining them with animals. When the gods saw what he was doing they killed a wolf, split open it’s belly, and sewed the demon inside the skin, forever binding him to the earth and making him an outcast among gods and nature. Since then, the demon was known as The Twisted One or the Tainted Mirror, and all Lycanthropes are the result of his monstrous experiments. 

That’s about all we get in terms of historical background. And I hope it was as useless to you reading it as it was to me while researching it. But let’s put the mythos away for now in the box of fairy tales and make-believe nonsense, and hone in on what we can empirically observe. 

As I mentioned, Lycanthropes spend the majority of the time _ almost i _ndistinguishable from ordinary humans. They transform into their Wolf forms for three nights, on the eve of the full moon and the nights immediately before and after. Transformation begins at sundown, when the moon begins to rise, and wanes with the approach of dawn. 

The affliction is only spread when a Lycanthrope in full Wolf form passes its saliva into the bloodstream of a human. The passing of Lycanthropy is known as The Bite. 

Most victims of werewolf attacks do not survive their wounds, and thus do not become werewolves. And most Lycanthropes will never know who passed the Bite on to them. However, there are rare cases where a Lycanthrope meets the one who infected them in human form and is able to recognize them through some kind of subconscious scent-memory. The two experience a kind of natal bonding, similar to how a wolf pup imprints on its mother. This phenomenon is so rare that there is no official term for it.

* * *

Transcription 2

**MATSUMOTO RANGIKU: Are you really using a little handheld recorder? That’s so cute! You know there are apps for this, right? **

_ INTERVIEWER: Who is conducting the interview here, me or you? _

**MR: In that case, maybe I’ll rescind my testimony then. Hisagi Shuuhei, I do not give you permission to record me! **

_ INT: No don’t do that. We’re already here, you might as well tell me your story. After all, your abilities are unique. I feel like this project wouldn’t be complete without you. _

**MR: Hm. Keep pouring on the flattery, I like this admiring side of you! Maybe if you did some chores for me around the house and cooked that casserole I like, I’ll share my salacious secrets for your study. **

_ INT: Yes on the casserole. Hard no on the chores. _

**MR: Boo! **

Matsumoto and I lounge in her living room, her sitting on the coffee table across from me and me sinking into her too-plush couch. Matsumoto is a good friend, but a private person. I haven’t been in her house enough that I feel entirely comfortable in her space. 

Also, all of the cat stuff is a bit unnerving. Cat stuffed animals. Cat-shaped statuettes. The teacup that Matsumoto pressed into my hands (even though I didn’t ask for tea) has little cats on it. There are even framed pictures of Matsumoto’s cats. Former cats. Matsumoto hasn’t been a pet-owner in years. 

Only a fool would describe Matsumoto and neglect to mention the fact that she’s drop-dead gorgeous. However, she is also intimidating. Her expressions are difficult to read, often her rosy-lipped smile doesn’t reach the rest of her face. She knows much more than I do, which makes her a good friend, an unreliable confidant, and an excellent werewolf. 

Her eyes are unnaturally blue. I often feel like they are following me around the room, even when I am not facing Matsumoto at all. Like she is hunting me. I’m scared of her, and she thinks this is very funny. 

_ INT: How long have you been a Lycanthrope now? _

**MR: Gosh, let’s see… Thirty-five years now, I think? **

_ INT: Thi- THIRTY-FIVE YEARS? _

**MR: Oh yeah, easily! Did I never tell you how old I actually was? **

_ INT: You never mentioned it, no. _

**MR: I see. That must be frustrating for you. **

_ INT: … Anyways. Can you talk a little about how you remember your transformations? _

**MR: Yes, well. My transformation cycles are just like anyone else’s. A week before the full moon, I start to feel really antsy and restless. I feel, well… manic is the word, I guess. I have a hard time sleeping and sitting still, and my behavior gets more silly and impulsive than usual. You know how I get at those times, we’re the same. We all get jittery and excited, and I make you and the gang go clubbing with me to let off some steam. **

**I don’t know why this happens to us. Maybe it’s our minds and bodies prepping us for what we’re about to go through. Maybe it’s, like, because we’re closer to our Wolf sides at that time and our instincts are telling us to go out and ‘hunt’ with a group of other werewolves. **

**I was so curious I actually got it tested. How’s that for research, Mr. Interview Man? Three days before the full moon, my body was actually producing more adrenaline, cortisol and oxytocin than I did at the beginning of the month. We’re so hopped up on a cocktail of hormones, we’re literally more feral than normal.**

_ INT: I had no idea, that’s fascinating. _

**MR: Yeah, right? But then, the morning of my first Moon, I feel completely different. I wake up immediately starving. As if I haven’t eaten in days. Nowadays, I prep in advance to make sure I always have huge meals to get me through the daylight. But back when I was first starting, I literally grabbed whatever was close by just stuffed it in my mouth. Like--**

_ INT: Eating raw meat out of the freezer? I know the feeling. _

**MR: Exactly. But even after I eat, I don’t feel better. Just head-achey and uneasy. I guess it’s because I know what’s going to happen at nighttime, but it really feels like something is already off about me. Like I’m already losing control.**

**By five in the afternoon, I’m already in my panic room. Transformation doesn’t usually start until six, but better safe than sorry. **

_ INT: Some people may not be aware of what a panic room is in this context. Can you describe yours? _

**MR: I thought I was telling the story, jeeze! Alright. My panic room is in my basement, below your very feet right now even. It’s quite big, and it’s all brick and cement, so that made it easy to do construction down there. **

**I had half of the room sectioned off, away from the furnace and pipes and stuff. Put in heavy iron bars and a door with a solid lock. The key is tied with a string to one of the bars on the door. The bars are wide enough that I can slip my hand through in human form, but my Wolf form can’t reach. Every month I get a crate of raw meat delivered to my house, and I set it in that barred-off area for her to eat after I transform.**

**After that, it’s just waiting around for sundown. I sit in that cage that I made for myself. I smell the meat and quell my constant hunger. I watch the fading sunlight spill across the cement floor from the well-window until it dies. **

_ INT: So then you’re completely alone when you transform? No packmates? _

**MR: No. Like I was saying--**

_ INT: So you aren’t pair-bonded yet? I thought I heard-- _

**MR: Do you want me to get to the good stuff or not? If you keep interrupting me, maybe you’re better off talking to somebody else!**

_ INT: Jeeze. Sorry. Please go on. _

**MR: Now, if I can finally please continue…**

**At first, my transformations began just like everyone else’s. I would feel this itchy tingle over my skin, like ants were crawling all over me. My headache would get worse and worse until it felt like the pain was blinding. There would be this ache all over, and the bizarre sensations would intensify until I felt my mind drift out of my body entirely. I would black out altogether, and the next time I was aware of myself would be when I was lying naked on the floor the next morning. Exhausting and difficult to comprehend, but otherwise completely normal. **

_ INT: Not how most people would describe the transformation. The way you phrase that whole leg of the process seems a little simplified. _

**MR: Maybe. I don’t really have the language to describe that stage better, without getting clinical. I could mention how the headaches are actually caused by my sight, hearing and smell becoming overwhelming, or how the itchy feeling under my skin is from fur suddenly sprouting out of me. My bones, my skin, my muscles re-knit themselves. Talking about that kind of stuff with you feels mundane, because you already know what that part is like. **

_ INT: That’s true. And the gaps in memory are a standard part of the process as well. But at what point did those change for you? _

**MR: Ten years after I got bit. I started to get nervous because, well, things weren’t going how they usually go. You know, for werewolves our survival basically revolves around keeping a consistent routine. So when something out of the ordinary happens, it’s always a huge issue. Some Lycanthropes even plan their meals so every month they eat exactly the same things on each day they ate last month. **

_ INT: Right. I know a lot who go completely vegan, they believe that extra level of discipline will lead to better control of their Wolves. _

**MR: I didn’t do any of that, just the recommended exercise and meditation that Hinamori suggests. But one night I noticed that I wasn’t blacking out during my transformations like usual. It was taking longer for my mind to escape my body.**

**Up to a certain point, there are things I’ve learned to accept as my “normal” when transforming. The pain forcing me to double over, crouching on my hands and knees while my body rips itself apart. Sometimes I see my fingernails darken and grow, and the beginning of brown fur jabbing out of my skin. By this point, blacking out is a relief. **

**One night, however, it was different. My mind didn’t go away, and I noticed things that I had never been awake before to see. Like the palms of my hands getting heavy and rough, becoming paws. My arms and legs stretched out of my body, my body-- Well, everything about it was wrong. It was twisted. **

**Without my permission, my body moved on it’s own. I watched those clawed, paw-like feet drag over the cement floor. I heard deep, guttural animal noises vibrate out of my throat. I kept waiting for my mind to go to sleep, but I stayed awake and trapped inside that body. **

Matsumoto began rubbing her hands together absently. Maybe she was remembering the sensation of changing. The imprint of the shape she was forced into, pressed into her brain. Her eyes look far away, but between her words there is a certain grit to her teeth. A cut to her voice. An anger that has no words to own itself.

**That’s just the way it works now. I don’t remember everything from those times, but I remember too much. I have to watch my Wolf take over my body, eat the meat I set out for her with MY mouth. She howls with MY lungs. I feel all her rage and fear and anguish. Then she gets to go back to sleep, and I have to live with what she’s done.**

_ INT: And as far as you know, you’re the only person who experiences this state of “double consciousness” with your Wolf. _

**MR: Some people told me their Wolf’s memories come to them in dreams or visions, but so far no one has come forward about being awake inside their Wolf’s body like I have. I’m the only one. **

**It’s not all bad, though. I’m proud that I’ve at least been able to use what I’ve seen to some good, so my “talent” isn’t entirely useless. Seeing through my Wolf’s eyes, I’ve been able to help improve other Lycanthrope’s panic rooms, and how they prepare for their transformations. We know more now about the behaviour of Wolves than ever before through my direct observations. You’re welcome, by the way!**

_ INT: What kind of direct observations do you mean? _

**MR: For starters, the full transformation is a much slower process than we realized. If it begins at six o’clock, the Wolf is completed by ten. After all, everything about her has to change, her skeleton and her muscles and so on. My theory is that part of why Wolves are so aggressive is because they have to endure the pain of transforming the same way we do. They’re scared and hurting, so they lash out. **

**The first thing that a werewolf does after transforming is feed. It’s rather fascinating, watching the way my Wolf eat through her eyes and noticing her habits. She prefers beef, but it makes her sleepy. She tears the pieces of flesh with her mouth like a regular wolf. But when eating ground meat or the smaller pieces, she’ll use her paws like hands. **

**Feeding your Wolf is non-negotiable. Shuuhei, you should get meat delivered to your house like I do. When it comes, leave the meat in the container and set the whole thing inside your panic room, m’kay? **

_ INT: Oh. Okay. _

**MR: Werewolves have that instinct to hunt. And twelve hours is a long time for anyone to be in one room, especially a huge monster who doesn’t understand why she’s there. Ripping open the container is stimulation for her. **

**The second thing the Wolf does is mark her territory. Gouged claw-marks in the walls and floors. Scent-marking the edges of the cage. Wolves are super territorial. **

_ INT: You’re really concerned about your Wolf, huh? _

**MR: I can’t make her happy. She wants things that I can’t provide. But if she’s at least well-fed and kept busy, she causes less problems for me. **

I’m not used to this side of Matsumoto. The grim honesty of it, I mean. Rangiku always has a way of using her words carefully, it’s in her nature to be charming. As a result, people enjoy her company even when her demeanor is a little unnerving. That’s part of her charm itself, being mysterious and fun. 

But Rangiku has seen much more than I have, both figuratively and literally. I guess that this is the face of reality, the part that doesn’t get any more palatable when you put a sunny smile on it. Transforming doesn’t just mean that you go away, and a monster takes your place. Rangiku is proof that the two are eternally connected. If your body is moving and acting without your consent, if it takes a different shape and acts to its own self-interest without considering yours, then can you really say that body is your own? 

_ INT: Do you think it’s different for werewolves who have packmates? _

**MR: I don’t know. I never had a pack, you see. Wouldn’t you be the expert on that? You had the temperment test done, and share a panic room with Izuru and Renji. What’s that like?**

_ INT: It feels inappropriate for me to give my own statement during your interview. _

**MR: Indulge me, Please?**

_ INT: Yes, all three of us had the temperment test done, and we were cleared for mutual housing. However, I don’t have your unique insight to determine whether this makes actually makes my Wolf “happier” or not. Considering what you’ve told me, however, it makes sense that having its mates present would alleviate that boredom you were talking about. _

**MR: Yeah, I could have guessed as much. You’re so lucky, Shuuhei! I’ve been temperament tested a few times, but it never goes well. Even if I settled down with a pack of my own, I think my Wolf might just be too territorial to share her space. **

_ INT: Why do you talk about it like that? _

**MR: Talk about what like what?**

_ INT: You keep referring to your Wolf as “she” and “her”. Most Lycanthropes just call their Wolves “it”. _

**MR: She’s alive, isn’t she? My wolf is a she, yours is a he. There’s nothing scary about acknowledging them. The idea of her as a stranger is far more unsettling.**

End of Transcription 2

* * *

A Brief Dissection of Werewolf Physiology

You probably have a rough outline of what werewolves are supposed to look like already in your mind. If you aren’t sure, it’s because you haven’t seen one for yourself. No one looks at a werewolf in it’s Full Moon state and says “That is either a wolf or a hairy man.” They say “Ahh! Shit! Oh fuck! The werewolf is eating me!” And they’re correct. 

Okay, up until this point, I have used the phrases Lycanthrope and werewolf as umbrella terms to talk about people who experience the affliction. This applies to both their regular human forms, and what is colloquially referred to as the Wolf. But for this section, I’m going to be differentiating between the two quite a lot. For clarity’s sake, I will use Lycanthrope to specify the human form, and werewolf to refer to the Wolf. I realize this is an anthological sin, but I humbly ask you to just follow my logic and we will get through it together safely. M’kay? M’kay.

Werewolves are about as varied and diverse as humans are. The shortest werewolf (that we are aware of) is 6 foot 4. The tallest is a cool 10 feet tall. An animal this large would normally have a difficult time hiding itself from the eyes of humanity, but there are three important skills that the werewolf uses to disguise itself; A) Werewolves are remarkably stealthy, B) Werewolves do not become corpses when they die, and C) Werewolves kill most every human witness they meet. 

Most werewolves appear to be very muscular but emaciated when compared to the standard, run-of-the-mill, lower-case wolf. We assume that this is because the physical toll of transforming from human into werewolf is extremely taxing and doesn’t provide the werewolf with enough nutrients to be considered healthy. The werewolf being underfed also explains why they are constantly starving and irritable, as supported by the statement of Matsumoto Rangiku and the Red Circle Human Alliance Society. A common symptom of Lycanthropy is intense lethargy, particularly during the three full moons. 

Werewolves have a long facial structure comprising of a canine snout and large, powerful jaws. It is one of the greatest mysteries as to how a werewolf’s skull is able to reshape itself at the beginning and end of a Full Moon transformation. Though I suppose that could extend to all other skeletal re-shaping, but the skull is most perplexing because it has to shape itself around the fragile tissue of the brain. Other qualities, such as nails and fur, we now know are shed and regrow at the end of the transformation. Despite media portrayals, werewolves do not have tails. 

A fascinating enigmas about werewolves is indeed is the brain. The mind of the Lycanthrope must house two separate consciousness, and we assume that the parts of the brain that process smell and sight are altered as well. However, scans of Lycanthrope brains show no distinguishable differences from ordinary humans. A fully transformed Wolf brain must surely be more unique, but… well, I don’t imagine anyone will be stuffing a werewolf in an MRI machine any time soon.

It would be so much easier if werewolf corpses maintained their form. Lycanthropes have an absurdly high mortality rate, and a significant number of those deaths occur during the Full Moons. However, there’s no such luck. A werewolf who is killed will immediately turn back into a human before dying. The only physical evidence of Lycanthropy is that shed hair and nails I mentioned, though analysts claim there are no observational differences from a regular wolf. 

Perhaps evolution intended that werewolves would never be discovered and studied. A species that spreads itself through infection and erases all traces of its existence upon death sounds more like a virus than an animal.

* * *

Transcription 3

_ INTERVIEWER: Are you ready to begin, Miss Inoue? You’re looking a little flushed… _

**INOUE ORIHIME: Yes, I’m ready! Sorry, I’ve just never done an interview like this before. I guess I’m a little excited. I brought my notes and everything in case you ask a question that I don’t remember the answers for off the top of my head.**

_ INT: I really appreciate your preparedness, but please try to relax. This isn’t an exam, and I’m not judging your responses. In fact, I wanted to talk to you because your experience is critical in understanding how to keep Lycanthropes safe. I doubt there’s anybody who knows quite as much about the affliction without having contracted it themselves. _

**IO: That’s very kind of you to say, and I’m glad I can be helpful to you and everyone else in Red Circle! Really, though, I couldn’t have done it without Sado-kun and Uryuu-kun. The Human Alliance always needs helping hands. **

Inoue Orihime is 22 years old, but she still has the round, young face of a teenager. She was kind enough to meet me at my office, despite her busy schedule, and did indeed bring a stack of files with her. I presume they are her own documents, as all the information regarding the identities of Lycanthropes are kept strictly confidential by the Human Alliance. 

She looks like your little sister, sweet and overflowing with earnesty. Her orange hair sweeps around her waist, her eyes look tired from long shifts at the vet followed Red Circle-related extracurricular activities. I’m glad I got a moment of her time. People like Inoue make it possible for people like me to go on existing. 

_ INT: No doubt. Speaking of which, can you start by telling us a little about yourself? _

**IO: Sure! My name is Inoue Orihime, I’m a veterinary assistant at the local chapter of the Coalition for Animal Welfare. I’m also a member of the Human Alliance for the order of the Red Circle. **

**I should probably explain what the Alliance is, right? Well, no matter how you prepare for the full moon, there are still a lot of things that can go wrong. The Alliance are human volunteers who provide services to try and minimize the dangers that Lycanthropes present to themselves and others. **

**Sado is really good at building things, so one of the services we provide is building panic rooms. Most of our time is spent converting basements, trucks, trailers and even whole warehouses into panic rooms that can safely contain a fully transformed werewolf. Or, in some cases, werewolves. **

**Another service we provide is the temperament testing. There’s a panic room we reserve for this use, where we can monitor a werewolf closer while putting ourselves in minimal danger. Which… isn’t ideal, admittedly. There have been a few close calls. But! The tests are important for gauging the personality of Lycanthropes’ Wolves, and whether it’s safe to let them engage with their pack. **

_ INT: That’s a lot of information to parse through. Let’s slow down and go through it piece-by-piece. What do you mean by Wolves’ “personalities?” _

**IO: All werewolves are different. It may not be easy to see right away, because Wolves don’t exactly love being studied. But each werewolf has their own distinctive traits and quirks that we can use to predict their behavior. **

**We use three main tenets to measure personalities; tolerance of unfamiliar stimuli, level of possessiveness, and level of aggression.**

_ INT: And there are variations in these scores? I would have guessed you would get a lot of low tolerance, high possessiveness, high aggression. _

**IO: Not exactly. Take your Wolf for example, Hisagi-san!**

_ INT: Mine? _

**IO: I brought your file here. I thought you would be curious, if you haven't read it already. You scored high tolerance and middling aggression, but also very high possessiveness. Hachigen-san still passed you, presumably because your aggression wasn’t too overt for mutual housing. **

_ INT: I see. How… thorough of you to dig into my personal files like that. Totally not creepy at all. _

Inoue doesn’t look bothered by my objection. Looking back on it, I imagine she deals with this kind of stuff a lot. The Human Alliance is trusted with handling all sorts of sensitive information about the Lycanthropes in their care, and they certainly know to be responsible with it. 

I see Inoue’s hand pass over a thick, slightly rumpled manilla envelope. My name is written on it in black marker. What else is written about me in there? What does Inoue know about me that I don't? My professionalism compels me to complete the interview before indulging my selfish curiosity. 

Inoue seems eager to change the topic of conversation.

**IO: We also offer counseling services to Lycanthropes and their family members, too. I’m sure you know, Lycanthropy can be a very isolating to live with. Most people who come in to see us for counseling either have or are currently considering suicide.**

_ INT: Right. From what we know, about 30% of Lycanthrope deaths are from suicide. _

**IO: That isn’t even counting the ones who attempt to take their own lives and survive. Many feel that they have no choice. Even with our best efforts, building the best panic rooms and the most vigilant security systems, there is never a full guarantee that a Lycanthrope won’t escape and kill somebody. Some would rather die than have that happen…**

_ INT: Inoue-san, in your opinion what is the leading cause of death for Lycanthropes. _

**IO: Murder. **

_ INT: Huh? _

Whatever I was expecting, it wasn’t that. Inoue says that simple word with uncharacteristic gravitas.

**IO: As far as I can tell you, I’m sorry to say only a few Lycanthropes out of the many will live long enough to die of natural causes. **

**Some werewolves will kill each other in their Wolf states over territory. Many more are killed by humans in self-defence. Werewolves are so strong it’s hard to imagine a human would be capable of killing them, but you would be surprised to know how often it happens. **

**But the bigger danger is Lycanthropes being murdered in their human forms, without the protection of their Wolves during the full moon. Imagine-- if you were a human and you wanted to kill a werewolf, you would wait until they were in their weaker, more vulnerable human state to do it. **

**Killing a werewolf… to us in Red Circle, we know Lycanthropes don’t mean to cause anybody harm. But there are people out there who don’t care about that. They’ll try to kill out of revenge, or because they believe they’re protecting future victims of Lycanthropy. **

**Hisagi-san, has anybody tried to kill you for being a werewolf?**

_ INT: … _

** _IO: I’m sorry, that was a stupid questio-_ **

_ INT: No. No one has ever tried to kill me. But I’ve been in Red Circle since the beginning, and unlike most Lycanthropes I’ve always had a pack to protect me, so my condition has always been secret. _

_ When I think about it, my contact with the human world is unusually limited. Werewolves who don’t spend as much time in human society are less likely to be murdered by humans, I suppose. _

**IO: I see… I apologize for asking something so personal. Completely spoke without thinking, it’s so rude.**

_ INT: Inoue-san, why did you become a member of the Human Alliance? _

**IO: My brother was a Lycanthrope. He passed away. **

_ INT: I’m sorry. _

**IO: Helping others with the affliction makes me feel better. And… People here understand me better. Other members of the Human Alliance, and the Lycanthropes we work with. Very few people understand what it is like to have a loved one who is a werewolf. Even though I’m just a human, I have more in common with Lycanthropes. That’s how I feel, at least. **

_ INT: Thank you for sharing that. _

**IO: Thank you for listening.**

_ INT: You mentioned your work as a veterinary assistant. Has that helped with your care of Lycanthropes? _

**IO: Oh, absolutely yes! Even with werewolves’ advanced healing, there are still cases where Lycanthropes get injured in ways that they can’t go to a standard hospital for. I wouldn’t call myself a doctor or anything, but I’ve become pretty good at treating wounds that might be considered “suspicious.”**

**There are also occasions where we need to do damage control following the full moons. If there is an incident that happened at night, sometimes the Lycanthrope in question is too dazed and disoriented to handle it themselves. So we go in and arrange it so as not to draw the attention of the police or the media. **

**I mean, it sounds bad when I say it like that, but we aren’t doing anything illegal or immoral! Just that escaped Lycanthropes might cause public property damage or, if they happen to wander too far away from home, eat some farmer’s livestock. We just drive through sites that may pose some big questions, and remove anything that smacks too strongly of Lycanthropy. **

_ INT: You mean to say you’re destroying evidence of Lycanthropes. _

**IO: Well, not just me personally! All the Alliance members get permission from Hachigen-san before doing anything too rash, and we don’t want to interfere too much in people’s lives. After all, Lycanthropes should be able to live a relatively normal life, and we try to preserve that. **

**I know this might sound like the Alliance is a bunch of nosey, paranoid types who want to control Lycanthropes and keep them secret. But that’s really not what we’re about! All that I want to do is help my friends stay safe, so I try to help and just mind my own business as much as possible.**

_ INT: I understand that urge. But, Inoue-san… _

**IO: Yes?**

_ INT: You spend so much time with werewolves. Aren’t you ever afraid of them? _

**IO: Of course not. At least, I’m not afraid of them outside of the full moon.**

**I’m not a fool. I know that a Wolf is incredibly dangerous. I know that if something goes wrong, one of my own friends could kill me and that would be that. All I can do is try to keep myself safe and accept this possibility.**

**You’re probably wondering if it’s really worth it, then? Would I be comfortable sacrificing myself to help someone else? I don’t intend to do that. After all, if I die then I can’t help anyone. Red Circle has let me into their community, accepted me like family, but I would definitely kill a werewolf before I let it kill me. **

End of Transcription 3

* * *

Orders Vs. Packs

It probably will not come as a shock to know that much of our theories on Lycanthrope behavior stems from research on wolves and dogs. All canine species have some overlaps in biology and social order, why should werewolves be so drastically different?

The unfortunate media presence surrounding wolf social life is wildly misinformed, overlooking obvious fallacies for stories that are supposedly (and I _ cannot _ stress this “supposedly” enough) entertaining. 

Maybe when thinking of wolf packs, Hollywood has lead you to picture a militaristic hierarchy; the perfectly masculine and domineering alpha male, his loyal alpha female, and the descending ranks of betas, deltas, omegas and so on. However, Hollywood has lied to you and played you for a dullard. You buffoon. You mere child. You fool with a doctorate degree in jackassery. 

In the real world, wolf packs are primarily a family affair. The mother and father, known as the natal pair, are the leaders. Their subordinates are not other adults vying for a position of dominance, but rather their grown children continuing to live with their parents before they are ready to disperse from home. Eventually, they will leave and find a mate from another pack, and they will become the new natal pair and start a pack of their own. So on and so forth. 

There are variations, but generally all packs will work like this. A family, working together and cooperating. Living and playing and raising pups. 

Orders are _ not _ packs. In the olden times it was much more common for werewolves to live in isolation. Lycanthropes would live in the wilderness alone, transforming and finding a small village to slaughter. Then they’d go back to being human and churn butter or something, whatever they did in the olden times. 

This was all fine and good, until the invention of the angry village mob and everything went downhill from there.

These days, cooperation and communication are absolutely necessary for the survival of the modern werewolf. Orders such as Red Circle exist to provide these resources. Anybody can join an order, provided that they are trustworthy. Lycanthropes tend to be highly suspicious of each other, and for good reason. The identities of Lycanthropes in the wrong hands could be devastating.

Here, I am obligated to voice my bias. I was raised by Red Circle, and I think I’d rather give my remaining eye than leave it now. But other orders do exist, and I guess most of them are okay. 

Packs, however, are much more similar to the wolf pack system I outlined. A werewolf’s pack will typically consist of it’s mate or mates, and usually that’s the end of it. Sometimes werewolves will “adopt” younger, juvenile werewolves whose presence they can tolerate. Lycanthropes who have passed the Bite to another will typically fit into this familial role and can be housed in the same panic room without incident. 

Red Circle encourages Lycanthropes to undergo temperament testing before moving in with a significant other. A werewolf that is deemed too hostile for mutual housing may cause problems. The goal of Red Circle is always to minimize the danger a Lycanthrope presents to itself or others. 

There is anecdotal evidence that mates who pass testing and are housed together do, indeed, have a positive influence on the Wolves. It is suggested that having mates present lowers agitation and aggression. I have no solid evidence that this is the case, but enough experience to say it’s probably true. 

* * *

Transcription 4

**KIRA IZURU: Are you ready?**

_ INTERVIEWER: I should be asking you that. You didn’t seem excited about doing an interview before. What made you change your mind? _

**KI: Renji talked me into it. Not on purpose, of course. He just seemed very pleased with himself when you took his statement. I thought maybe I could achieve some catharsis of my own by inflicting my past misfortunes onto you.**

_ INT: You can keep them. _

**KI: Rude. **

_ INT: You’re sure about this, though? I presume you wanted to talk about orders. I might have to ask you questions dig up some uncomfortable memories. _

**KI: I’m aware. But I’ve come to terms with my past, and I think it’s more important to let others out there be aware of what is waiting for them. That’s why you’re creating this archive after all, right? You want to educate other Lycanthropes. To keep them safe. I would like to do that as well. **

Kira and I are at home, in the house we share with Abarai. On the second floor, where our bedroom is, there’s a window where the screen is a bit loose. I have a bad habit of pushing out the screen and climbing onto the roof. Sitting there, I have a perfect view of the stars. 

I invited Kira to sit with me there, under the wide night sky. For confidentiality’s sake, I asked Abarai to give us some privacy while I conducted Kira’s interview. He made several comments along the line of “I see. The nerds need their need time.” and “I’ll pack a loaf of bread and a lump of cheese into a little sack tied to a stick, and disappear into the woods. Then you’ll see. You’ll all see!” and “Shuuhei, where are my goddamn keys!?” 

Kira pulls a blanket tightly around his shoulders. The breeze cards through his hair, out of his face. His eyes are heavy, and red around the corners. He’s handsome in a very different way than Renji is, and he wears the affliction differently as well. For some people, Lycanthropy becomes intertwined with their bodies and souls, and makes them stronger every day. Others, however, are drained by the curse as if they are constantly struggling against it. 

He isn’t weak, though. Kira’s strength shows through in different ways. You simply need to provide the right environment for it to flourish. 

_ INT: So let’s talk a little bit about when you acquired the Bite-- _

**KI: Sorry, but can I say something first? Before we get into that, I want to clear the air. For anybody who might be listening to this or reading this in the future.**

_ INT: Yeah, go ahead. _

**KI: I want to say that my circumstances were in no way normal. I mean, there’s no “normal” way to get saddled with the affliction. But what I experienced was an extremely unlikely event, put into motion by only a few really heinous people. **

**I do not believe that most Lycanthropes want to spread the curse. I won’t talk on Abarai’s behalf, but I can only imagine what a traumatic experience it was to give the Bite when you aren’t in control of yourself. **

**Still, people need to be… aware. They need to know how to protect themselves, and avoid toxic individuals who will try to abuse their condition for personal gain. As far as I know, the order of White Heart are the only group like this, but I worry they are setting a dangerous precedent for others to follow. **

_ INT: When did you first encounter with White Heart? _

**KI: When I was 20. I remember, because it was the same year my mother died. It had been a long time coming, she was sick for so long. But I think that only made it worse, because all of my memories of her from those past few years were of her already in the process of disappearing. It won’t surprise you to learn that I fell into a depression, and it wasn’t long before my mental state interfered with my university work. **

**I wasn’t completely helpless. I knew that I was in bad shape, and needed to improve myself. But my pride got in the way, and I didn’t want anybody to know I was struggling. So I joined an online grief counseling program, for those who couldn’t access standard therapy or for people like me who were just ashamed. **

**The vetting process for this site was nonexistent, anybody could just create an account. That struck me as odd, but it was nice to share my feelings with people. And many of the other users were genuinely kind individuals who were just looking for the same kind of outlet that I was. **

**That must have been what attracted him. He wasn’t charismatic or handsome, the best way to lure people in would have been for him to embrace complete anonymity. I imagine him lurking on that website, scouring for people who seemed fragile and vulnerable. People like me. **

**I had seen him a few times on the forums. It wasn’t like I was obsessively checking them for every post, but I was online enough to see him around. He made posts detailing his experience with the death of a childhood friend, and how he was having a hard time moving on. Everybody on the site had there own reasons for being there, but for some reason he just struck a chord with me. I didn’t realize at the time it was because he had designed it that way. When he started to contact me personally, I felt happy that someone was relying on me. It made me feel like less of a mess. **

_ INT: What do you mean, he “designed” it that way? _

**KI: To seem vulnerable. Friendly. He pretended to have the same interests as me, about books and poetry. I’m sure if I had pressed him enough, it would have become clear he didn’t actually give a shit about literature or anything else he claimed to enjoy. But in casual conversation, you never think to ream someone for answers. **

**He pretended to be my friend. Still, I never did anything obtrusively stupid. I didn’t tell him where I lived or give him my full name. As good as his acting was, I never trusted him enough with that. When he gave me his home address and invited me to visit for a weekend, I politely declined.**

**As our friendship progressed, his messages got more and more frequent. It seemed his mental state was declining rapidly, and I spent hours during my daily life and my school time wondering if he was going to be alright. I felt that if something bad happened, I would somehow be responsible. **

**Finally, one morning my phone woke me up. It was 7 AM, I think. And as soon as I knew that he was calling me, I knew something was horribly wrong.**

**“It’s me.” His voice was not at all how I imagined it. It was high and raspy, like the sound of paper ripping. “I’m going to kill myself tonight. Just wanted to let you know.” **

_ INT: Oh Jesus. _

**Ki: I told him to stay where he was, and that I was going to call the police. I mean, by this point I wasn’t even sure I liked him, but I didn’t want him to die. What kind of person would I be if I let someone commit suicide? **

**He hissed at me. “No cops. If you call the police, I’ll do it right now.” I felt like I was being held hostage. I begged him to go to a hospital, but he refused. I was in tears, so frustrated and angry but nothing would get through to him. **

**Finally, I gave in. “Stay there. I’m coming over.” **

**…**

**Shuuhei, you’re looking pale. We can stop here, the rest of it isn’t really that important. **

_ INT: No! I mean-- it’s your story. You can tell as much or as little as you want to. _

**KI: Maybe I’m getting a little hung up on the details. You know I have a taste for the macabre, and in that regard, this is one of the most inspiring encounters I’ve had the displeasure to experience.**

_ INT: Don’t worry about that. Please continue. _

**KI: Okay. The short version is that his house was a several hour drive from my student housing. I got there as quickly and illegally as I could, but it wasn’t soon enough. By the time I arrived at the address he gave me, it was already nightfall and pitch-black outside. The only light remaining in the sky was the full moon. **

**I suppose you already know what I found in that house. The hideous and gray creature that waiting for me, and I practically strolled right into the beast’s reeking maw. **

Disgust drips from Izuru’s voice, his eyes narrow into white little diamonds of hatred. The blanket covers his knees, which are pulled tightly into his chest. Underneath the blanket and the heavy layers of clothes, Izuru’s thin body is tensed. As if the Wolf inside him is ready to leap out of his pale skin. 

_ INT: That wasn’t your fault. _

**KI: It was not ** ** _not_ ** ** my fault. But, before you try to continue arguing with me, let me digress. I survive the Bite, as was intended for me. And thus began my indoctrination into the White Heart. **

_ INT: And the man who gave you the Bite? He’s-- _

**KI: Dead now, yes. But the damage he has caused countless other people unfortunately lives on. I would like to think his master, the leader of White Heart, is dead as well, but I have only rumors and speculations to go on with that. **

**Oh, don’t make that face! You do look so cute with that kicked puppy expression, but it’s not necessary here. No one would be in Red Circle if they didn’t have their own horror story to tell, and everyone here has… accepted me, strange as it seems. I have a life here that I’m very pleased with. The past no longer interests me. **

_ INT: If that’s the case, then I’m happy for you as well. The work you’ve done on yourself… you can’t begin to know how proud Renji and I are of you. _

The dark expression melts off of Izuru’s face, and he looks like himself again. 

While collecting these statements, I’ve felt at times like a voyeur in my friends’ lives. I wonder if it’s appropriate for me to obsessively copy down every word that Renji, Rangiku, Inoue and Izuru breathe on behalf of the supposed “greater good.”

Now, I’m glad that I did so. I would like these stories to be etched in history, God willing. I would like the bravery of my friends to be recognized.

_ INT: Thank you for your testimony, Izuru. _

**KI: Oh, wait! Before we finish, there was one strange thing I wanted to mention to you.**

_ INT: Oh yes? You know I love strange things. _

**KI: Right. The man I told you about-- he had this really contemptuous relationship with his master. At the time, I didn’t appreciate how funny it was that this horrible little man had to serve for a person he hated. **

**Anyways, everyone in White Heart had a very deluded worship of this leader. Except for the man, who always called him “Mr. Twisted” behind his back. I thought that was strange. **

_ INT: “Mr. Twisted?” _

**KI: Yes. I thought about that when I came to Red Circle, and learned the legends about the first werewolves. About the demon, you know?**

_ INT: Yeah. The demon who combined humans with animals, the Twisted One. _

**KI: Yes, that story always amused me. You don’t think there’s any connection, Shuuhei?**

_ INT: Probably not. It’s just lore to explain what we don’t yet understand about Lycanthropy. Maybe your guy thought he was being a real wise-ass by giving his boss the nick-name of a demon. _

**KI: Yes, of course. That makes much more sense.**

End Transcription 4

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


Killing a Werewolf

This section is entirely to prevent loss of life. If you are a werewolf, you would naturally be curious about what circumstances could lead to your death. If you are a werewolf hunter, or any other person who means to do a werewolf harm, go ahead and skip this section. 

A popular legends about Lycanthropy is that they are vulnerable to silver, and this is not completely untrue. Though it needs to be truly purified to have an affect, werewolves are incredibly aversive to silver. Don’t be shocked if you develop a mild allergy to silver jewelry after acquiring the Bite. But at this point getting a nasty red rash from your necklace is the least of your problems. 

Another mythical weapon against our kind is aconitum, more commonly known as wolfsbane or monkshood. This is a flowering herb that people believed could kill a Lycanthrope. And they were correct. This is because wolfsbane is exceptionally poisonous, and doesn’t discriminate between human or werewolf. 

(The origin for this myth is actually quite fascinating. Apparently the symptoms of aconite poisoning in humans appears similar to symptoms of rabies in dogs. In ancient times, this caused people to be falsely identified as werewolves before the poison killed them. This has nothing to do with the topic at hand. Note to future Shuuhei: Cut this section out entirely.)

Make no mistake, being a Lycanthrope does not mean you’re invincible. Though many Lycanthropes are stronger than ordinary people, they can be hurt in human form just the same. Whatever could kill you before you were bitten can probably still kill you today. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. 

Werewolves in their full Wolf form are, as you can imagine, much sturdier and difficult to harm. There’s a lot of thick fur and skin to parse before you can actually tear flesh, making it difficult but not impossible. So if you’re the type of impeccable moron to consider fighting a werewolf with some kind of melee weapon, perhaps reconsider. 

Or don’t. Whatever. I’m not your dad. 

Firearms are more problematic for werewolves. A simple handgun is not powerful enough to do real damage, except perhaps piss off whatever Lycanthrope is on the receiving end. One thing is for certain, and that is that Wolves absolutely hate the sound of gunfire. A loud, shocking noise like that will either induce it to flee or attack right away. 

Hurting a werewolf with a gun requires buckshot, at the minimum. I can’t discount the fact that people occasionally make lucky shots. An unfortunate bullet to the head could indeed kill a Lycanthrope. And in these days, people get their hands on all kinds of crazy assault weapons and such. 

Killing a Wolf is within the realm of possibility. But as I mentioned in an earlier essay, the body will not maintain it’s Wolf state, so whoever the killer is will have a human body on their hands. There is justice in that, I think.

If you are considering arming your human loved ones so they can defend themselves against your Wolf, I highly discourage it. Not only is it unlikely that they will be able to kill you, but even if they succeed the trauma of dealing with your corpse will be unpleasant. Members of the Human Alliance are trained in firearms and self-defense specifically for this reason, but your friends and family are not. Instead, use that energy to invest in a secure panic room. 

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Transcription 5

**HINAMORI MOMO: The cookies are done! You’re okay with the fact that I made them vegan, right? Don’t worry. It’s my own special recipe, so it’s not like those icky expensive store ones ones. **

_ INTERVIEWER: That’s okay. Can we, um, sit down for a minute? _

**HM: What? Oh! Right, the interview! Sorry, I just got distracted. So much to do, and I’m such a scatterbrain! I’ll just put this plate over here, finish printing the flyers, publish the new schedule online…**

_ INT: Why don’t I just ask you some questions while you work, Hinamori. I’ll help out while we record, so you can focus a little more. _

**HM: Thanks, Hisagi! You’re so sweet! Here, get the scissors for me? **

The first floor of Hinamori’s house combines the industrial smell of paint with the ticklish perfume of incense. To my sensitive nose, the combination of odors is almost overpowering, I have no idea how she can stand it all day long. 

I enjoy Hinamori’s cookies and help her print flyers for her sculpting class. Hinamori runs an arts and crafts studio out of her home, and enjoys mild community fame. I would say it’s just a coincidence that most of her students are also werewolves, but I happen to be on the Lycanthrope-only email list so my integrity is compromised.

The work agrees with her. Hinamori looks happier than I’ve seen her in years while taping up posters. Her dark hair is pulled out of her face, and there’s a smudge of paint on her nose. You would hardly be able to recognize her as the same girl who came in to Red Circle all those years ago. 

_ INT: So as long as we’re here, let’s get down to brass tacks. _

**HM: Right, about your book! What would you like me to talk about?**

_ INT: It’s not really a book. Well, maybe one day it will be. I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it. Anyways. I wanted to learn more about new research on the affliction, and naturally I thought of you and your… um…. Wholesome Lycanthropy technique. _

**HM: Holistic Lycanthropy.**

_ INT: I was close. _

**HM: Alrighty, then. Where would you like me to begin?**

_ INT: Let’s start with your daily routine. _

**HM: My routine… well, every day I wake up at 6 o’clock. That’s important. I start my day with some meditation to clear my mindset, then I take a walk around my property. Afterwards I treat myself to a vitamin-rich breakfast, then it’s immediately off to yoga class. **

**The rest of my schedule gets pretty hectic with classes, but I still make time for lunch and another session of meditation. I have my evening work-out before dinner, usually weight-training or swimming. Then I de-stress with some painting, and by 11 PM I’m reading in bed before falling asleep. **

_ INT: It seems you have things down to a regiment. _

**HM: My methods can be restrictive sometimes. I don’t eat meat at all, except during the full moons, and I don’t drink any caffeine. Though each day is different, I try not to deviate from my schedule. The self-discipline is important. **

Maybe there’s some expression on my face that Hinamori doesn’t appreciate. Maybe it’s because she said “no caffeine” and my brain rejected the information in an attempt to protect me. 

Her eyebrows set into a hard line, and she folds her slender arms over her t-shirt. Her skin is dappled with old scars. Claw and teeth marks. 

**Hisagi, you need to understand something critical here. People think of Lycanthropy as being a switch that flips from human to Wolf, but it’s much more complicated than that. **

**One question I think all werewolves have struggled with at some point is “Where do I end and the monster begins?” When I transform into that beast is that still really me, you know? Or is it a completely separate entity that takes over my body and pilots it around? **

**See, I don’t believe it makes sense to think of it in either of those ways. The influence of the Wolf is present, even during our human lives. Like, how our sense of smell and hearing is so much stronger. Or how our Lycanthrope companions can become our Wolves’ packmates. There is a clear overlap between the two entities. It influences every part of our lives.**

_ INT: I’m not sure I’m following. You say that we are our Wolves, but also we aren’t? _

**HM: Do you know much about dreams, Hisagi? **

_ INT: I’m not sure I know anything at this point. _

**HM: Dreams are influenced by our subconscious. Our connection to our Wolves is the same way. When you think about it, subconscious influence and instinct are essentially the same thing.**

**When I left White Heart, I needed… balance. I needed to feel less like I was not a person but instead two strangers fighting for control of me. I knew that if I did not take control, I would surely end up hurting someone. Normal therapy couldn’t help me, and even in Red Circle there are still so many of us who feel so rooted in shame that we can’t begin to help ourselves, let alone each other.**

**So. This is what I do now. I try to help people, even though it isn’t much. I welcome other Lycanthropes into my home. I listen to their worries. I teach them to paint. I wish that I could do more, but this is what I’m capable of right now. **

_ INT: Why painting? Why art, in general? _

**HM: I’ve always liked drawing. I thought I could turn a hobby into something useful. Here, take a look at this. **

Hinamori guides me to the other side of the studio, towards a stack of canvases leaning against the wall. The room is filled with art, some of them by people that I know. I see pieces that Hinamori made, that our friends have made, and even a few of the charcoal drawings I did that she hung on the wall. I have to say, knowing that Hinamori is looking for the “instinct” in each of our artworks does put them in a new perspective for me. 

She eventually finds the painting she was looking for. The foreground depicts a dingy, beat-up trailer painted in hues of gray, looking almost like a black-and-white photograph. It contrasts the sky behind, which burns with a fire orange. The final powerful moments of a violent sunset. 

**HM: This is my panic room. I painted the last view from my window before my transformation began. I’m not good with writing or being straight-forward with myself like you are, Hisagi-kun. If you asked me to tell you what my affliction means to me, I couldn’t. If you asked me to tell you what I like and dislike about myself, I couldn’t. **

**I have to diffuse the point, disguise my intentions with oil paint to express myself. That’s the best way I know how to be honest. **

_ INT: It’s a beautiful painting. _

**HM: It reminds me that every moment is as beautiful as it is temporary. The beautiful, temporary moment before six hours of that unpleasantness. **

Hinamori chews her lip. She looks at the painting with a far-away gaze, as if she’s remembering what it was like to see that sunset in the flesh. Something heartbreaking beautiful that stuck with her, before being interrupted by pain and agony.

_ INT: Why did you leave White Heart, Hinamori? _

**HM: Technically, I was kicked out. My former master didn’t have any use for me, so he left me. With no panic room, no protection, he didn’t care if I died or if I killed people. At the time, I didn’t know enough to find his behavior disgusting. At the time, he was my pack. **

_ INT: Do you ever think about him when you paint? _

**HM: Sometimes. Not about him specifically but… a general feeling. **

**He would hate that, to think I’ve demoted him to background noise. No, mostly when I paint I think about my community, and about myself. The me that is human, and the me that is the Wolf and the me who is in between the two. **

**I might have a pack again someday. But right now I’m really enjoying being a lone wolf.**

End Transcription 5

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The New Rules of Lycanthropy

Though that I initially intended it as a straightforward deep dive into the relevant topics of being a Lycanthrope, I must admit that this project got away from me at points. If I had a dollar every time I leaped wildly from subject to subject, I could hire my own ghost-writer to take down all my redundant ramblings for me.

I can see it now. The Hisagi Shuuhei Story; half man, half beast, and utterly unable to shut himself up. 

However, one of my lost tangents I mentioned in an earlier section was how it was no longer appropriate for werewolves to be living in Ye Olden Fashione, isolated from human society except menace the local children. We have broken through the veil of the digital age, and there is no putting that cyber-genie back in his robo-bottle. With every living person carrying a cell phone in their pocket and Google satellites staring down at us from above, we may need to revisit our position as Lycanthropes in the world

To why werewolves should continue to be kept a secret from human society, I’ll leave most of that to your imagination. Let me just aid you with suggestions of angry mobs burning effigies and wolfsbane on your doorstep, or men in black showing up out of white vans. Just trust me, the less people who know about us the better we all will be. 

Maybe one day that reality will change. I would like to see it. But first I must survive to it. 

Now. Technology means that people are a lot more skeptical nowadays, and much more accurate. All werewolf attacks can be disguised as common animal attacks, but this is partially due to the thick veneer of disbelief we have managed to build around the idea of Lycanthropy. This does not mean we should seek to preserve evidence of our own existence.

This is why the idea of orders came to be. Lycanthropes can no longer survive without a community to gather strength from. Not just emotionally, though that is critical as well for combatting the loneliness and doubt. But also as accomplices, to cover the fuck-ups of our fellow werewolves so they don’t get on the 6 o’clock news. 

Yes, you will need to do a lot of lying to cops, and perhaps even destroy the occasional mangled corpse. But look, it’s 2019. If you aren’t prepared for these things you need to grow up already. 

And of course, you must appreciate your order. Show them your gratitude with loyalty. Not to the extent of blind obedience, lest we have another atrocious White Heart situation on our hands. But certainly understand that it’s hard for all of us out there, and try to pitch in when you can. 

I am biased. I’ve been in an order for as long as I’ve been a Lycanthrope-- in fact, for most of my life. I have never been a lone wolf, without a pack or order. And frankly I don’t intend to ever be. This doesn’t mean that I’ve sacrificed any of my independence. If anything, I’ve escaped a lot of trauma that my fellow associates in Red Circle have endured. I have been well-trained. 

There are things in the night that are scarier than even we are. Things that intend to do us harm. Breathe in the smell of your packmates, their familiar and warm scent tattooed into your sharp canid nose. Listen to the voices of your friends in the order, all of whom were brought together by this rite of blood and flesh and fur that bind us. 

We are in this together. Now don’t fuck it all up.

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Transcription 6

_ INTERVIEWER: So. You’re a werewolf. What’s that like? _

**MUGURUMA KENSEI: You think you’re a real funny kid, don’t you? **

_ INT: Perhaps. _

**MK: You put in all this time and research to make silly jokes. You make jokes of your father and mentor. You are killing your father, Shuuhei. **

_ INT: Alright, alright. Didn’t realize you were so eager to make your statement, so let’s just get started with the real questions. First of all, how old are you actually? _

**MK: You’re for real now, huh? I dunno, 105. 115? I stopped keeping track around the turn of the century. Not that it matters. They don’t make a lot of birthday cards that go over 99, and nobody gives me money for a present so there’s no point keeping track. **

_ INT: An inspiring meditation on old age. _

**MK: You can only hope to make it this long, brat. Don’t go dying before me, or I’m gonna sell your motorcycle. **

Muguruma, as I’m sure you can infer, does not look like a 115 year old man. In fact, I’m not sure he’s aged at all in the time I’ve known him. But perhaps my memories deceive me. 

We are in my childhood home, in the kitchen where I ate pancakes with Kensei and Mashiro on Saturdays. It is sparser than I remember it, but mostly unchanged. Just like him, actually. 

Kensei does not look 115 years old. But he does not look young, either. His eyes have deep lines around them from years of insomnia. They look tired and puffy and ancient. He smells like the spices he just used for seasoning our dinner. (Steaks served extra rare. Red liquid forms small pools against the white porcelain)

His house is never empty. Tonight is just for me, but on any given evening Kensei is hosting my adoptive sister, or any other members of Red Circle. He pretends to do so reluctantly, but I see his fridge is covered in photographs. Some are from me and my friends, others are of order members I don’t know very well at all. 

_ INT: You’re a ridiculous old man. Let’s move on. Why did your pack decide to form Red Circle? You guys must have had a massive group by then. _

**MK: We did, kind of. Seven is a lot in a pack. Not the largest I’ve ever seen, but enough that it was pushing the edge. If we added any more to the pack, it would get bloated and we would have to disperse. **

**And there was… another reason. White Heart was already operating in full force by this point, and it was starting to push against the borders of our territory. Shinji had this idea in his head that by forming our own order, we could try to counter their influences. Stop them from bringing more young, naive kids into their goddamn cult. **

**Obviously, you know it didn’t exactly work out that way. But hey, they’re gone and we’re still here. So I guess we won? **

**But yes, the real trigger for forming the order was you, I guess. **

_ INT: Me? _

**MK: Yeah, you were a triple threat. Having you around meant we needed to expand our routine and territory to accomodate you. And because I had fucked up so very badly, we needed to improve our security so something like you didn’t happen again. **

**And finally, well… you were too vulnerable. We couldn’t risk White Heart getting their grubby little claws in you, they would have torn you to pieces. So we needed to get more werewolves and humans organized so we could keep you under wraps until you were old enough to take care of yourself.**

_ INT: That seems extreme. 27 days out of the month, I was just a normal kid _. 

**MK: “Normal” my ass. You were an anomaly we had no idea what to do with. The first child to survive the Bite. The youngest werewolf ever. The only other minor to survive the Bite was Mashiro, and she was 17. Hardly a child anymore the way that you were. **

_ INT: The youngest as far as we know. It’s not like we have a database of every Lycanthrope in the world. And I’d like you to not talk about my Bite as if it’s some kind of achievement. Do you know how embarrassing it is that the most special thing you’ve ever done was something you did by accident when you were 8? _

**MK: Is that why you’re doing this research stuff now? To be your new “special thing?” **

_ INT: I’ll ask the questions here. Since you brought it up, let’s talk about that Bite. How you and I met. _

**MK: If it will make you happy, fine. It was a stupid mistake on my part, that’s all it was. I was careless and cocky, which was bound to get somebody hurt eventually. **

**I must have slipped out of my panic room. At the time I wasn’t in mutual housing, so there wouldn’t have been anyone keeping an eye on me. Hachigen was busy with seven other raving Wolves to watch, he couldn’t have stopped me even if he wanted to. **

**Do you remember what happened the night I bit you?**

_ INT: Not even a little. Memories from back then are fuzzy at best. _

**MK: I don’t either. I don’t remember anything from that night. Only waking up the next morning, the white Sun on my face like it was mocking me. **

**I remember the blood first. The rotting smell of it. The sight of it smeared on the ground and against the trees. The feeling of it sitting dry on my skin. Honestly, thinking about it still makes me sick. You’d think seeing blood so much in my long, long lifetime, I’d eventually get numb to it. But blood has always disgusted me, and I’m fine keeping it that way. **

**When I found you, you were barely breathing. Waking up covered in blood in the woods is never ideal, but this hit different. I had never… None of us had ever attacked a child before. I knew if I didn’t try to save you, there’d be no living with myself. **

**So, what else was I gonna do? Hospital was out of the question, I was in no state to be seen. I took you back to our base. I was so sure Hachi and Lisa were gonna tell me you were a lost cause, but somehow you refused to die. **

His story is consistent with my own memories. The furthest back I can remember is being in Hachigen’s spare bedroom, where he would nurse me to health while Lisa studied me intensely. 

When they weren’t around, somebody was still always close by. Sometimes Rose would come in and play the guitar to amuse me, or Love would come in to share manga and read with me. And once I was strong enough, Mashiro would take me out to play and we would harass Hiyori and Shinji into games with us. 

As a child, I had no idea how much stress my very presence was causing everyone. Especially not Kensei’s. They did a great job covering how anxious I made them. 

_ INT: Here’s hoping I keep that talent. _

**MK: Don’t jinx yourself. To nobody’s surprise, I felt responsible for you. Responsible enough to keep you around. I already had one insufferable daughter, how much worse off could it be with a crybaby son? **

_ INT: I’m editing out that part out of your statement. _

**MK: Since you survived the Bite, we knew you were gonna be a werewolf. Through your recovery, you were already showing symptoms. The bigger question would be if you survived your first transformation. **

**If you were strong enough, you would transform into a very small but still very deadly were-pup. If you didn’t… well, I don’t need to tell you how painful and unpleasant transforming can be. There was a possibility that you wouldn’t be able to tolerate the abuse, your growing bones would snap and your expanding muscles would crush your organs inside your body. You would have snapped yourself in half before you even reached full Wolf. **

**But, obviously you didn’t. And so you became something… new. **

**Other than that, yeah. You were a pretty normal kid. In a way, I think you were lucky. You didn’t have the same memories and conflict of identity that so many adults go through after they get the Bite. You were always you. **

_ INT: Sometimes I try to imagine what I would do if our situations were reversed. If I hurt a child during my transformation-- I don’t know, I think I would really have a difficult time coming to terms with it. I wouldn’t be able to accept that kid the way that you accepted me. _

**MK: Eh. I rationalized it that my guilt wouldn’t do you much good. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t there, just that I tried not to let my feelings show in how I acted. **

**Things would’ve been different if you had parents or a place to go. But we never found a missing child report fitting your description, and nobody ever came around asking about you. **

**I decided homeschooling would be best, since it would be too much to pull you out of school for three days every month. I guess you could’ve gone anyways, but teachers might have eventually noticed you got weak and sickly during the full moons. And any accident that might have kept you away from home at the time of your transformation would be impossible to cover up. Anything could have gone wrong. **

**That’s really the only thing I regret about your situation now. All things considered, I think I did a pretty decent job raising you. But your childhood was isolated, you never got to engage with the world like you deserved. **

_ INT: It wasn’t so bad. I did fine at college. _

**MK: Yeah, but you could never be too far away from a panic room. That’s not exactly healthy.**

_ INT: I like my hometown, though. _

**MK: I hope this is at least satisfying your curiosity. **

_ INT: Maybe it can be a how-to guide for anyone raising “were-pups” in the future. In case another child survives the Bite. _

**MK: Lisa says that’s the only way it could happen. No one in Red Circle has ever met a werewolf with a kid, and even if they did that kid probably wouldn’t have the curse. **

**Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible and that no one’s ever done it. Not like I’m going around to every werewolf I know and asking if they ever popped out a baby. That’s your job. **

_ INT: Damn my journalist quest for knowledge. _

**MK Why did I raise such a nerd?**

_ INT: Because I hunger for the truth. Now. You’re one of the few Lycanthropes who has lived past 100. How has your age affected your Wolf? _

**MK: Generously. I strongly encourage you to live as long as I have. **

**Let me explain something to you; I used to hate my Wolf. When I was young I thought that it was the worst thing that could happen to me. I had known, when I was a human, that I was capable of doing horrible things. Because of my temper. Because of my size. Because of my being damn careless. Then I got bit, and it was like all that stuff I hated about myself was thrown in my face. I knew I was a monster. **

**Maybe that is why I was so out of control when I transformed. My rage at myself became fuel, and that lead me to break out and eventually find you. **

**Now I’m an old man, and I know more. I’m not, like, wise or smart or anything. I’m just better. The morning after my transformation, I used to see claw marks stretched all over my panic rooms. I saw holes in the wall where I had bashed myself against the bricks. Now I wake up and I just feel the warmth around me where I had been curled up asleep. **

**Sometimes I dream during the full moons. While my Wolf is in control, I just have ordinary dreams of cooking on a campfire or hiking in the rain. It’s nice. Relaxing, even.**

_ INT: Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m glad you’re happier now. I’m really proud of you. I mean that. _

**MK: Yeah, yeah. Don’t go recording this then writing me as some tragic, withered old geezer who fuckin’ sleeps through his full moons, okay? I’m not dying anytime soon, so don’t plan on getting rid of me.**

_ INT: You’re not allowed to die. I forbid it. _

**MK: You are not the boss of me. **

The first floor of the house is warm. The basement beneath where I sit is cold. My first panic room was down there, where Kensei showed me how to lock myself in. Parents always have their own ways of showing you that they love you. My father’s methods were born of necessity. 

Kensei rubs his chin, scratching the silver stubble of his beard. It’s hard to tell that he’s a happy man, but I trust his honesty when talking about how satisfied he is with his life. He has no reason to lie to me now. 

**MK: I got really off topic. Sorry. **

_ INT: No, I think this was perfect. _

**MK: Do you wanna keep recording, or can finally I serve dessert? **

_ INT: I’m basically out of data on this thing anyways. Goddammit, all these statements are gonna be such a pain in the ass to transcribe. _

Transcription Ends


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